Although difficult, separation anxiety is a normal stage of development and should fade as your child gets older. For some children, preschool is the first test of separating from familiar faces. Saying goodbye on the first day of preschool can be tough for kids and parents alike.

Familiarizing your child with the new environment ahead of time is crucial. If possible, visit the classroom before school starts and meet the teachers. Read stories to your child about how fun school can be.

Provide a consistent “drop off routine” to ease the anxiety of change, and set behavioral expectations before separating at preschool. Offering a choice in picking an outfit for the day gives children a sense of control and can reduce the frustration of getting them ready for the day. If school policy allows, bring a familiar object from home, such as stuffed animal or favorite blanket, to reinforce a sense of security. Make sure to acknowledge your child’s feelings; just listening to your child’s concerns can have a powerful calming effect. The more calm and assured you are, the more confident your child will be. If parents hesitate, kids will feel unsafe. Foster your child’s trust by saying a firm goodbye, and then leave promptly; don’t sneak out. Even body language can convey nervousness, so stand up straight and smile.

Praise your child’s efforts and consider a reward system to reinforce even the smallest accomplishments. Try a visual point system, such as stickers or marbles in a jar, for the behaviors you expect of your child, and help her chose a reward after a set number of “good” days. Choosing something fun to do is the best reward (a movie or going to the pool works wonders).

If separation anxiety is excessive enough to interfere with normal activities like school and friendships, and lasts for months, consider having your child evaluated by a professional as it may be a sign of a separation anxiety disorder. Children with this disorder may exhibit school refusal, difficulty sleeping or nightmares, and physical symptoms of anxiety such as headaches or stomachaches.

Anna Mackender, M.D., another parent who learned how to say goodbye without the tears.